


Outlaws of Love (The $500 a Hour Remix)

by afrocurl



Series: remixes and such [32]
Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-05-16 19:18:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19324444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afrocurl/pseuds/afrocurl
Summary: One long-suffering lawyer is faced with a nearly impossible task. Can he make it work?





	Outlaws of Love (The $500 a Hour Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JackyJango](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackyJango/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Outlaws of Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16063631) by [JackyJango](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackyJango/pseuds/JackyJango). 



“Tell this to me again, sir?” It’s quite impossible to believe the words that are coming from his client’s mouth. Words that should be anathema to _this_ man possibly came from _this_ mouth. He expects this sort of dumb comment from other clients that spend hours upon hours in clubs and other seedier parts of New York City. But not this man.

“I need to make sure that this marriage is legal and that we can work out something with INS on behalf of my soon-to-be-husband.” What in the world has he done to make this a conversation a real thing in their shared space.

“It’s ICE now, sir.”

“Yes, fine. ICE. I want nothing to do with my husband ending up in jail for no other reason than we were young, drunk and stupid.”

“Sir, I’ll do my best to make sure that Mr Lehnsherr doesn’t end up in jail and that we can arrange a legal marriage for you two in the coming weeks.”

“Sooner would be better.” Mr. Xavier’s voice is curt, leaving no time to reply before the line goes dead.

This is going to be a nightmare. How can Charles Xavier get into this sort of mess? Of course the answer is Erik Lehnsherr.

―

Dealing with Erik Lehnsherr’s questionable immigration status is a nightmare. The largest of nightmares.

It takes hours to call into the city to find someone in ICE to answer so many questions about a mutant who believed he was legally wed to another mutant but was not. Wisely, names aren’t mentioned.

There is an answer that will appease Xavier and Lehnsherr, he hopes, after a full day on the phone. Hopefully.

―

“Mr. Xavier, I have a solution that should work for you and your husband.”

“What is it?”

“ICE will require to talk to you both after the wedding. They want nothing more than to go over the logistics of how you believe yourselves to be married and to question some of Mr. Lehnsherr’s behaviors before they grant him a green card. Following that, they’ll need to see your income and expenses for a few years and talk to you both from time to time.”

“They have no idea who you represent.” It was no question, fact.

“I did not reveal your identity.”

“They won’t like this deal when they see us, but that’s not my problem at the moment.”

“It isn’t. The marriage license is set up; you and Mr. Lehnsherr will have to pick it up the day of the wedding.”

“Thank you for this work, it’s much appreciated.”

“Part of the job, sir.”

“Just so. I’ll call you later when we have more details for ICE in case they want something sooner.”

“Please do.”

―

“Hello, I was told to call your office today to discuss a matter related to my client,” he says into the phone as calmly as possible. Calling into ICE is not high on his list of things to do today, but needs must.

Mr. Xavier says nothing went wrong with their phone call, though that this call happens suggests the opposite. having Xavier as a client is making his days much more demanding.

“Yes, Mr. Smith, we have a few questions about your clients Messrs. Xavier and Lehnsherr.”

Oh this won’t be good.

“What can I help you with?”

“Well, you were not as honest with the identities of your clients.” This poor man is annoyed by the lies of omission, of course, but there was no way that anything good would have come from his first call if he had been honest.

“With good reason. I doubt the government is thrilled with the idea of Mr. Lehnsherr being an illegal alien for this long.”

“Yes, that is problematic.”

Understatement.

“What else is wrong?” He can tell that there is something else that will complicate the wedding and whatever is coming after and he wants to know how so he can find a good way to let Xavier know without causing any catastrophic events.

“Nothing, particularly, though I think that someone in DHS will want to look at this case more fully to make sure everything is on the up and up.” One step towards avoiding metal flying at him, good.

“Which means someone wants to insure that Mr. Lehnsherr isn’t going to destroy any buildings.”

“I would assume so.” 

“I’ll let them both know of these updates and call you back when they can meet with someone from your office.” He can’t stop all of these bad things from happening, but this isn’t as disastrous as it could have been.

“That would be a great help. We know how busy Mr. Xavier is.”

“As soon as I call him with this update, I’ll get a series of dates for you.”

“Have a pleasant day,” the man says, before adding, “We hope to have this all sorted out soon.”

“Same here. Have a good day.”

―

“I’m sorry for calling at this time, Mr. Xavier, but I had a call with DHS and they need a few things before we everything can go through.”

“What do they need?”

“Just a few looks into your life - more than I had assumed before - and some serious conversations with Mr. Lehnsherr.”

“Of course that’s what they need. Let me talk to Erik, just a minute.”

There was a thud, the phone on a desk and some scuffling around before Mr. Xavier comes back. “Erik’s on the phone now too. Will you explain that again Mr. Smith?”

“Certainly. I had a call with ICE earlier and they’ll need to go over things with your relationship more completely, both now and after the wedding, to make sure that Mr. Lehnsherr isn’t causing any difficulties.”

“Ah, yes, I’m always the problem in the relationship Charles,” Mr. Lehnsherr drolls.

“You do have a flare for the dramatic that involves destruction so I see their point.”

“But it’s been over 300 days since I’ve chosen to destroy anything bigger than a building.”

“Which is admirable, but to everyone else who isn’t here in Westchester, you’re still Magneto. We’ll be fine with these conversations.”

“They also want to ensure that Mr. Lehnsherr is working regularly.”

“You can tell them I’m the Language professor and auto shop teacher here at the school.”

“Which means we need to start paying you as well, Erik.”

“That all sounds wonderful sirs. I’ll let you get back to these discussions and I’ll see you at the wedding.”

“You’ll see us at the wedding, yes, Mr. Smith,” Mr. Xavier replies before hanging up without another word.

Those two are something.

―

“Wonderful day, sirs.”

“Oh thank you for saying so Mr. Smith. It was all with the help of you that we were able to sort out this little mix-up.” Xavier is far too happy for this sort of conversation to go anywhere else, but after so many years in his employ, it’s a great idea to be kind.

“It was no trouble.”

“I know it was, and I still appreciate it. I know we’ll see you again in a few days when that DHS team comes, right?”

“Of course,” he says, but can’t say anything else before Mr. Lehnsherr walks over. 

“Thank you for the hard work,” he says with an extended hand.

“No need to say that; it’s part of my job.”

“Your job is for Charles’ interests, not mine.”

“Now he’ll represent both of us, dear,” Charles adds.

“Quite right. If you’ll excuse us, we need to see that everyone else is having a good time--”

“Not too good a time. You know how Hank gets after too many drinks.”

Lehnsherr nods, but says nothing else before he takes Charles away towards some of the guests that are filling the mansion for the reception.

All in all, this situation isn’t a disaster, so it’s a win.

A very good win.

An expensive win.

Good enough.

**Author's Note:**

> {Redacted} is amazing for the quick beta work.


End file.
